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My Battle With Postpartum Depression

November 13, 2018 in Parenting, Pregnancy - No Comments

My Battle With Postpartum Depression

November 13, 2018 in Parenting, Pregnancy - No Comments

Before my son, I’d always hear people talk about postpartum depression (PPD) and I never fully understood how it could affect someone until it hit me.

As someone who has never really battled with depression, I never thought I’d have PPD when the time came for me to have a baby. However, I think given what I’ve been through the past 3 years took its toll on me.

In April 2014, my father passed away unexpectedly at the age of 67. He was not ill and I took his passing super hard. Then in August 2015, my mother passed away. She was in the hospital for 3 weeks before finally passing. With my mother, I got to say goodbye and I mentally prepared myself. I still took it hard because she was my best friend. That September I moved from NorCal to SoCal to be closer to friends and family at a time when I most needed it.

In April 2016, my now husband and I started dating. We had a miscarriage in July 2016 and got engaged that same month. In March 2017, we had another miscarriage. Finally in June of this year, our baby boy was born. I missed my parents. I wished so badly they could be here to meet their grandson. It’s only my husband and myself here where we live and so it’s hard to do it all alone (just is two).

Getting Help

Given all that stuff, I don’t know how anyone would not get depressed. At first I brushed it off as baby blues. However, when I was still crying daily or every other day well into month 4, I knew something was off. I confided to a friend and she suggested I make an appointment with my doctor to see what they can do. I’m now on a super low dose of Lexapro but I feel so much better. It’s been about a month since I’ve been on it and I’ve been able to be the mother my son needs me to be. I’m much happier and haven’t cried in weeks.

I wanted to share my story because I want you to know you’re not alone. I feel like it’s something women don’t want to talk about or admit because I felt that way. I felt like people would think I was ungrateful for my son but I’m not. I’m so grateful he’s here and I love him so much but I just wasn’t the mom he needed me to be. I felt like a failure and while I knew deep down I wasn’t, I felt like it daily. You would never know I felt this way though because I was still posting pictures on Instagram. I mentioned it to a few people and a couple of times, I got brushed off. I get it. I do. I was there and I can’t blame you for not knowing what to say. However, if you are feeling this way, know your feelings are validated. I’m always a message away if you want to talk.

Christina

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Finally Mama is my blog documenting my journey to finally becoming a mama -- along with some adventures, reviews, and vegan recipes.

I'm married to my best friend. We had our first baby boy in June 2018 after experiencing two miscarriages. We had our second baby boy in December 2019.

Come and follow me on this journey to finally becoming a mama! Read More

Christina

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  • Up on the blog now is my birth story with baby boy 2! Head on over to read. Link is in my bio! .
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#thisismotherhood #parenting #coronavirus #quarantine #mama #motherhoodthroughinstagram #mymotherhood #mommyandme #covid19 #mynameismama #motherhoodrising #momlife #motherhoodblog #letthembelittle #ig #momentsinmotherhood #momswithcameras #mom #corona #honestlymothering #mumtruths #motherhoodunplugged #motherhood #stayhome #momblogger #ohheymama #stopdropandmom #motherhoodintheraw #mummyblogger #honestmotherhood
  • We are starting homeschooling with Lucas! He’ll be 2 in June and we both come from education backgrounds. I was an early childhood educator for over 10 years so I couldn’t wait until he could start. He already knows his alphabet, recognizes numbers, knows most colors, and loves to learn. He loves to paint and color so we let him go wild with it!
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#earlychildhoodeducation #education #teachersofinstagram #homeschooler #livinghomeschool #playbasedlearning #homeschooldays #homeschoolkids #childhoodunplugged #homeschoolfamily #homeschoolfun #homeschooling #earlylearning #homeschoolers #toddlerplay #homeschoolrocks #momlife #letthembelittle #homeschoolingmom #toddleractivities #homeschoolcollective #homeschoollife #hereisourhomeschool #preschool #learningthroughplay #homeschoolmom #homeschool #invitationtoplay #homeschoolmama
  • Towards the end of my pregnancy, I started to feel regret. Why did we decide to have another baby so close in age to Lucas? Will Lucas hate me for having to spend time with his baby brother? Will they resent me? But once Lincoln came home, Lucas has blossomed into this wonderful big brother. When Lincoln cries, Lucas tries to give him his pacifier or hold his hand. When I ask Lucas for a hug, he runs up to me and gives me one and a kiss and says “I luh you”. He doesn’t hate me... he loves me AND his baby brother and that’s all I could’ve asked for. I can’t wait to see them grow up with each other and go through life holding hands. .
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#motherhoodalive #motherhoodrocks #mommysbaby #mommyhood #mommylove #lovebeingamommy #mamabear #mamablogger #mamarazzi #mamalife #mamablog #motherhoodrising #momblog #writeyouonmyheart #littlefierceones #mytinymoments #enchantedchildhood #wildandfreechildren #familytrails #documentingmotherhood #thebloomforum #thesweetlifeunscripted #mommyhood #mommylove #connectingmoms #simplymamahood #honestlymothering #lifeasmama #thisismotherhood #finallymamablog
  • With my first son, I pumped/breastfed for 2/3 weeks before stopping. He wasn’t gaining weight, we were told to supplement, and i just gave up. This go around, I wanted to try to go to at least 6 months. Well... I’m here and still pumping. It’s been hard especially since i have a low supply. I only make around 10/11oz a day so we still supplement but I’m determined to keep going. However, at the end of the day i know fed is best so if I ever stop pumping... I’ll be okay with that! Any tips for this pumping mama?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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  • Baby L was born 12/4/19 at 34 weeks exactly. He was 5lbs 13oz and 17 inches long. He spent 20 days in the NICU and those were some of the hardest days of my life. Leaving Lucas at home was leaving a part of my heart at home and when i was at home, part of my heart was at the hospital. Finally, on Christmas Eve, our family was reunited and Lucas got to meet his baby brother. We are so in love. .
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#love #christmas #nicubaby #family #babies #nicumom #preemiemom #preemie #babylove #preemiehood #nicudad #preemiepower #nicu #niculife #babyboy #kids #preemiebaby #instagood #nicubabies #boymom #nicustrong #preemiestrong #merrychristmas #nicujourney #baby #finallymamablog
  • The countdown is on to meet our second baby boy. I’m so glad I chose this man and he chose me to go through life with. He’s a great husband and an even better father. Dress is from @pinkblushmaternity
📸: @erinrobertsphotography
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  • We took Lucas to the fall festival in our community and he loved it. He loved the hay, the fog machines, all the kids and seeing costumes. He’s definitely more social than my husband and I which is going to keep us on our toes! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#Autumn #AutumnLove #Wanderlust #Foggy #FoggyMornings #Halloween #October #SweaterWeather #RoadTrip #PSL #PumpkinSpice #CornMaze #Hayrides #PumpkinPatch #Rain #RainyDay #FallVibes #Fall #FinallyMamaBlog
  • This diaper caddy from @_mollieollie_ is amazing. Ever since I got it, it’s been on my bed every night. Lucas still bed shares with us and has bottles throughout the night so I keep some in it plus some tissue and other necessities. It’s amazing! It has pockets on the side as well as a zip up pocket. I keep my lip balm in there! You can use code 10FinallyMm to save 10% off! https://amzn.to/343qlCC
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  • People have asked us if this baby was planned or unexpected. He was definitely wanted. Sean and I decided on having another and stopped birth control to have him. He wasn’t unplanned. Granted, having 2 under 2 is going to be rough and we know this.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This pregnancy has been a lot harder than my first. I found out i have placenta previa and then at my last appointment I found out that I also have vasa previa. Vasa praevia is a condition in which fetal blood vessels cross or run near the internal opening of the uterus. If I start having contractions, baby can bleed out and die. We will know more October 28 but it looks like I’ll be heading to the hospital when I’m 32 weeks and staying there for 3 weeks and deliver via csection at 35 weeks. It’s been hard to say the least but we will do whatever we need to do to make sure Baby L makes it earth side and is safe.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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We love you and can’t wait for our family of 4 to be complete 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦❤️⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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