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My Battle With Postpartum Depression

November 13, 2018 in Parenting, Pregnancy - No Comments

My Battle With Postpartum Depression

November 13, 2018 in Parenting, Pregnancy - No Comments

Before my son, I’d always hear people talk about postpartum depression (PPD) and I never fully understood how it could affect someone until it hit me.

As someone who has never really battled with depression, I never thought I’d have PPD when the time came for me to have a baby. However, I think given what I’ve been through the past 3 years took its toll on me.

In April 2014, my father passed away unexpectedly at the age of 67. He was not ill and I took his passing super hard. Then in August 2015, my mother passed away. She was in the hospital for 3 weeks before finally passing. With my mother, I got to say goodbye and I mentally prepared myself. I still took it hard because she was my best friend. That September I moved from NorCal to SoCal to be closer to friends and family at a time when I most needed it.

In April 2016, my now husband and I started dating. We had a miscarriage in July 2016 and got engaged that same month. In March 2017, we had another miscarriage. Finally in June of this year, our baby boy was born. I missed my parents. I wished so badly they could be here to meet their grandson. It’s only my husband and myself here where we live and so it’s hard to do it all alone (just is two).

Getting Help

Given all that stuff, I don’t know how anyone would not get depressed. At first I brushed it off as baby blues. However, when I was still crying daily or every other day well into month 4, I knew something was off. I confided to a friend and she suggested I make an appointment with my doctor to see what they can do. I’m now on a super low dose of Lexapro but I feel so much better. It’s been about a month since I’ve been on it and I’ve been able to be the mother my son needs me to be. I’m much happier and haven’t cried in weeks.

I wanted to share my story because I want you to know you’re not alone. I feel like it’s something women don’t want to talk about or admit because I felt that way. I felt like people would think I was ungrateful for my son but I’m not. I’m so grateful he’s here and I love him so much but I just wasn’t the mom he needed me to be. I felt like a failure and while I knew deep down I wasn’t, I felt like it daily. You would never know I felt this way though because I was still posting pictures on Instagram. I mentioned it to a few people and a couple of times, I got brushed off. I get it. I do. I was there and I can’t blame you for not knowing what to say. However, if you are feeling this way, know your feelings are validated. I’m always a message away if you want to talk.

Christina

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  • The countdown is on to meet our second baby boy. I’m so glad I chose this man and he chose me to go through life with. He’s a great husband and an even better father. Dress is from @pinkblushmaternity
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  • We took Lucas to the fall festival in our community and he loved it. He loved the hay, the fog machines, all the kids and seeing costumes. He’s definitely more social than my husband and I which is going to keep us on our toes! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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  • This diaper caddy from @_mollieollie_ is amazing. Ever since I got it, it’s been on my bed every night. Lucas still bed shares with us and has bottles throughout the night so I keep some in it plus some tissue and other necessities. It’s amazing! It has pockets on the side as well as a zip up pocket. I keep my lip balm in there! You can use code 10FinallyMm to save 10% off! https://amzn.to/343qlCC
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  • People have asked us if this baby was planned or unexpected. He was definitely wanted. Sean and I decided on having another and stopped birth control to have him. He wasn’t unplanned. Granted, having 2 under 2 is going to be rough and we know this.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This pregnancy has been a lot harder than my first. I found out i have placenta previa and then at my last appointment I found out that I also have vasa previa. Vasa praevia is a condition in which fetal blood vessels cross or run near the internal opening of the uterus. If I start having contractions, baby can bleed out and die. We will know more October 28 but it looks like I’ll be heading to the hospital when I’m 32 weeks and staying there for 3 weeks and deliver via csection at 35 weeks. It’s been hard to say the least but we will do whatever we need to do to make sure Baby L makes it earth side and is safe.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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We love you and can’t wait for our family of 4 to be complete 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦❤️⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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  • He has been into everything lately but I love seeing him explore. He’s truly an amazing child. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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  • I love Disneyland but experiencing it with my son brought a whole new experience. His favorite thing was World of Color. He didn’t look amused on rides but i could tell he loved them too. Can’t wait to go back! 🏰 .
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  • My boys and I at the beach. Lucas had a blast visiting California. Crazy that it is his last trip there as an only child! So glad we went to Disneyland and the beach with him 💙
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  • One of my cravings this pregnancy is avocado toast. Something about it is just so yummy. What did you crave while pregnant?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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